Hayden M. Monroe

[Hayden M. Monroe]

Hayden Marlow Monroe
FACE CLAIM: Elisha Cuthbert
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AGE: Twenty-two
GENDER: Female
ORIENTATION: Heterosexual
GROUP: The Ceres
POSITION: Caretaker for the young

WE ALL HAVE A STORY...
what's yours?

The last five years of my life have shaped me into who I've become. Starting from the moment I found out until now, my life and my existence became so much more.

Almost 5 years ago:


There's a cracked mirror leaning up against the opposite wall of my bedroom from my mattress. It's a full body mirror that I'm staring into, trying to accept what I'm seeing in my reflection. I've been throwing up all morning, my hair is matted to my face and my skin has a greenish tint. Oh, but I bet your if I walked downstairs right now, someone would say that I was glowing. That I was gorgeous in my new motherly light. Fucking Ceres, the place that I've grown up in, come to love perhaps, but still have trouble understanding. They think that having a child in this world is still such a blessing, but all I see it as is a death sentence.

I'm at least four months pregnant and the father is off who knows where, doing God knows what. I'm going to have to raise this fucking baby on my own. Part of my brain is telling me to get rid of it. Save it the pain of living, loving and caring before it dies. End it now so that it doesn't have to be a part of this sick world we're stuck in. But I can't, because I feel it. Somewhere deep in my heart, I feel its own heartbeat and it renders me speechless and staring at the mirror, confused and horrified at what this all means.



I've decided to go into the City to go shopping. There are plenty of hand-me-downs in Ceres, but I want something special. Something different for my child and I won't get it anywhere out there. My stomach is sticking out from underneath my shirt, but just barely. Still, I feel like a heffer. My community has me eating so much more than I'm used to and I swear it's all going to my ass. Or it ends up coming back out in the morning. I'm sick of puking every day. Please, baby, give me a break, kid.

I see him.

He's down the street a hundred or so feet and he's talking to...himself. His brother. His twin. God, what if he sees me? What's he going to say? What's he going to do? I could die right now of a heart attack, taking his child with me. Our child. No, shh, baby. It's okay, I'm right here. Okay, Hayes, get your ass moving. You can either sit and stare at him, wondering what this child is going to look like, or you can walk right up to him and tell him what he did to you.

Er. What you did to each other.



Oh God his face. Is he going to faint? He looks like he might pass out. Oh my God. Please don't. Don't do that. I'm crying, what the fuck hormones! Get your shit together! Please, help me. I can't do this alone. We're in this together. Please, please, please. It needs a father. Don't make it grow up like us. It needs its parents. He's going to leave. He's never coming back. I'm sorry baby, don't hate me. I tried. I tried.



He's back.

He's staying. Oh thank God, he's staying.


4ish years ago:


Pretty baby, sweet baby, my little baby girl. You look like your daddy, my little love. You've got his eyes and those cheeks. You're perfect, baby. But what are we going to call you? A pretty girl like you needs the perfect name. Aww, don't cry, love. I'm here, I'm always going to be here, I'll never leave you. Oops, Daddy's here. He loves you, too, just ignore the traumatized look on his face. I promise, he's all yours. Look at how he loves you.

Just don't watch how he looks at me...



Kadence. Kadence Amelia Monroe. Our little girl. The only thing that has brought us together....The only reason he's here. Our baby. We're our own little family now. I'll protect you from anything and everything. But I'm scared that I won't be able to protect you from me. Oh, Kadence, what if I can't do this. What if I ruin you... I'm only eighteen. I'm not ready to raise a kid yet. I don't know where to start. I've never had a mom....

If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.



3 years ago:

Stop growing! Goodness, Kadi you're almost two! Gosh those blue eyes are gonna be the death of me. They're just like your daddy's. Such a pretty blue. And that smile! Another one of his nice qualities that you got. I mean, not like I get to see his very much, but I have yours which is better. Oh and he smiles at you, baby girl. Boy does he smile. You've got some kind of way of making him just ooze paternal instincts. And you have him wrapped around your little finger, tighter than anyone will ever have him wrapped.

It's bad that I wonder if he sees that little qualities of mine that you have and smiles at them. The way I do with his. I really like him, Kadence. Your daddy is a good guy, and he's doing his best for you. Sometimes, I just wish...ya know? That we could have fallen for each other...pre-baby. I'd never give you up though. I love you, Kadence. You're the best thing that I've ever had.


Pfft, and here I thought you had your daddy wrapped. I seem to have forgotten about your aunt Grayson. Good luck, baby doll. There's no stopping her.



2 Years Ago:

Kadence. I'm sorry I spend so many nights sleeping in your bed, cuddling up too close because I just need someone. It's pathetic and I hope you don't remember me this way the older you get. I'm not pathetic. I'm stuck. I love your father...and I don't know what to do about it. We're married, sure, but that was for you. Not for us. What if he doesn't even like me? Sometimes I wonder what's kept him from getting up and leaving, taking you with him....

I think it would kill me. I can't stand the idea of losing him let alone you. Kadence your mom is crazy. I'm fucking crazy, I've lost my shit.



1 Year ago:


Look at him. Isn't he pretty? His eyes, the way his hair flops just over them. His mouth...ugh why do I torture myself? I love my husband. The man I married because of one drunken night that ended up leading me to a life that I could never have imagined before. A happier life than I could have asked for. It may not always be perfect, but I wouldn't change who is part of it, the only thing I'd change is the circumstances we've been stuck in.

Isaac is sitting on the floor with Hayden while she colors him a picture. She loves to draw, it's one of her favorite things and Isaac just watches her. The thing is, I could watch them both all day. Her coloring and drawing whatever pops into that cute little brain of hers and him watching her adoringly as if she's the only thing that has ever mattered to him in his life. And although I feel almost envious of my own daughter, I know that without me, she wouldn't be the way she is. And that certain parts of me are what he loves because they are in her. 

I know somewhere within him, he cares for me. More than just as Kadence's mother. I think I'm starting to grow on him. Four years into our marriage and all, but I think I can take that. I really do love him.


Present Day:

All things considered, my life is better than I could expect. I have my father, happy and healthy. A beautiful four year old little girl whom I couldn't love more. A husband that even though he's a little brooding and indifferent, makes me happy. And a sister-in-law that I couldn't imagine living without. Our little family is everything to me, my reason for hoping that something wonderful will come out of this hell that we're living in. I want Kadence to grow up in a world that isn't like this, but I'm not sure if that will happen. I just know she'll make the best of what she can and I have to hope that nothing bad will happen to her. It's my number one worry as a mother.

I have much the same worry for my husband because I know I wouldn't want to live without Isaac. I've watched my father live without my mother every day of my life and although he smiles, I can see the emptiness behind it. When he looks at me, it's a reflection of her, a reflection of the happiness he felt when she was part of his life. I would have that same look when I looked at Kadence and it is a hard thing to stomach.

I may be a glorified babysitter, watching over the community's children, but I'm happy with that. I spend most of my time playing games, goofing around and making kids laugh all day. Kadence being one of them and she loves to help me with the babies. The setting of our lives might be less than pleasant, but everything that I have in my life makes it worth it. Somehow I've found people that I want to live for and they somehow feel the same about me. It's a good life.

A Special Song For Kadence:

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,

And each road leads you where you wanna go,

And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.

And if one door opens to another door closed,

I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,

If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.

I hope you never look back, but you never forget,

All the ones who love you, in the place you live,

I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,

And you help somebody every chance you get,

Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,

And always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, more than anything

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish (my wish, for you).

BEHIND THE MASK...
who are you really?

SAMPLE: stop asking me to do this, I REFUSE 

USERNAME: xirT

AGE GROUP: ytnewt

EXPERIENCE: Forever and a day

WHERE DID YOU FIND US? I volunteered as tribute[/blockquote]

[Puppy *]

ACCEPTED
You go do you, girl. Git you some claims.